Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
