Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
