Duck Duck Cougar?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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