At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
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I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize