The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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