9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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