great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
