She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
