I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
