he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
