I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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