dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
