Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We left the knife in your bed.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
