I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
3 2 1 whiskey
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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