One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
