ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
