Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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