I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Randomize
