I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
