So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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