If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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