she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
