If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
