Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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