Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
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At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
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