Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
