I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize