I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
