I just pynch a tree in the face
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize