I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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