He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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