Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
