I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
