matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
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