Actions speak louder than pants.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
