last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
