its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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