so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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