Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
