Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
