so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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