oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize