I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
