He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
