I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
