She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
