fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
