i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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