I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm like, not good at living.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
