Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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