So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
