I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
