Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
