it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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