Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
