Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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