I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
