wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
